Archive for September, 2011

September 17, 2011

Random Memories

Its been a rainy dreary day today, so being stuck in the house my mind got to thinking of different things that I could do to post more to my blog. Thinking that I need to post more to my blog period! Well, as I have been thinking I thought that I might start posting random memories from my past. We shall see how this plays out, and if I will be able to hold on to getting a post out a day!

Starting the memories off I’ll have to go with my old cat Mouse. I know you are sitting there why in the world start off with a cat memory! There was an older dog in my yard this morning and I mean spitting image of my dog that I have right now, but it was an older version of her (so could have been her dad!).

Yet seeing that older dog made me think back to my cat Mouse, when we got this cat we were living in a trailer in a little town called Creswell and this cat was just so adorable it looked like a drowned rat, ears to big for the head, paws just a tad bit bigger then should have been. As a kitten and a young adult cat Mouse would terrorize me, and I mean running up behind me biting me on my ankles scratching at my legs, it was unreal! It was just me that he would do that to, crazy! Well, he did it one time in front of my father and dad got up kicked that cat across the floor, it was kind of funny at the time. So not long after that Mouse became my cat and just followed me everywhere. It was when we moved to Southern Pines that Mouse was known as MY cat (running joke in the family between mom and me). I would go to school and come home to find him waiting for me on the love seat that was near the door, walk up to him he would jump up on his hind legs put his front paws on my shoulder and nuzzle my cheek. Mouse became my mini panther, because he was huge!! Bigger then most housecats figured that he probably had some tomcat in him down the line from somewhere. He could open my bedroom door as well as most cabinet doors, and LOVED flex all the muscle cream. Oh he was a trip when he got around that stuff, he literally got high off of it (many more memories to come from that one hehehehe). He went through the move from Creswell, to Southern Pines, and finally to Saratoga. That was the last move the power thing ever went through, he got up in age I want to say he was close to 12-13 years old. With age comes the problems of getting older, he got to the point he was peeing everywhere but the liter box so we had to finally put my poor baby down.

That is one animal that will never be forgotten nor replaced. He was truly my best friend during those years……whew if that cat could ever talk I would have been screwed back in my high school years!!

September 16, 2011

The Battle Within

The battle within, that title can fit on so many different types of blog post’s, yet it really fits this one, cancer, that is a true battle from within. You are fighting your own body in the process of trying to stay alive, you are fighting your emotions where you just want to crawl into a hole somewhere and disappear, to hide from the pain that you are causing your loved ones because of what is happening to you. Over this past year I was given the chance to get close to my children’s grandfather (their father’s father). As mentioned in a previous post I am a cervical cancer survivor, and he has passed of lung cancer. I was thankfully coming out of my battle but there was a feeling of regret that was to follow me through the next year. Because, as I was coming out, this man that was the light of my children’s life was going in, and he was not going to come out of it like I did.

There was a connection between the two of from the very start when we first learned of his illness. I can remember the very first conversation we had about it in the early months of his treatments. He was bound and determined to continue on working and taking treatments just as I thought I would be able to do as well when I first was diagnosed. I warned him upfront, to take it slow, its gonna knock you for a loop Chief. Nah, I’ll be alright…..yeah…didn’t take long before he finally realized that working and treatments were not going to mix very well. I never told him to his face “I told you so,” but the looks I would give him he would read right through them and just bust out laughing. He was blessedly comfortable for the most part the beginning of the year and was able to go out and work around the yard with the tractor that will forever be known as “G-daddy’s tractor” no matter what.

As the year wore on, so did his health, but his wisdom and faith got stronger. The closer we got the more I was selfish and thankful that it was not my own father going through this battle, I really don’t think I’m going to be as strong as Diana (Chris’s daughter) was during this time. I remember telling G-daddy just that, that when it comes time for me to tell my own father bye for the last time I do not think that I will be able to stay strong while doing it. This was a tough conversation for me to have with this man, I mean really here he was sitting there dieing and I’m blubbering about the fact that I’m going to go batshit crazy when mine goes. I will never forget what he then told me that day, sitting on the log outside while the boys played.
“Sheena, you will be surprised what your heart can make you do in time like this. I’ve seen the way you are with your dad, just like how Diana and I are. She has been amazing with me and with her mother, and seeing how you are with your dad and with me, I know that you will do just fine. I am just glad that I was given the chance to know that my son was able to give me two spectacular grandsons who will drive you mad once they hit high school I am sure, if not sooner, just know that they are Calhoun’s, they will come out alright. I am also thankful to know that I have someone who is close to me that has been down this road.”
I remember after hearing that looking at him and he was my Indian Chief from the moment I met him for the first time, to that moment on the log, to the moment he died. Many more conversations were to be had many more memories to be made, and I am blessed to know that I was able to be there through it all, not just for me but for my children. The precious moments between that old man and those young children will forever warm my heart, I will never look at a cowboy hat the same way again, for a cowboy hat was my Indian Chief’s trademark.

September 16, 2011

“Father” doesn’t have to be by blood

Well, it seems that it has been quite awhile since I’ve had a chance to really get a post out recently. It has been a crazy couple of months here on the farm, the “Father” of the farm has finally closed his eyes and gone home to where he can finally go fishing and riding his horses whenever he wants. I have to say that I have held my own during this time ok. No, it wasn’t father who passed, it was my fiancee’s father. Yet, I know how the cousins feel about him he was in essence their “father” as well. Well by the time this wonderful strong man closed his eyes he had become my second dad.

See, not sure if I have mentioned it in this blog or not but I am a thankful survivor of cervical cancer, and as I was coming out of my battle, he was going in. He however wasn’t told that “Yes, we can fight this and move on” he was told “we can fight this but this is how long…..” Let me tell you, that man was not happy with that out come right from the get go. Yet, he set his mind and heart to the option of fighting it, and we were blessed with a wonderful year of getting to love on him. I will never forget the times of “G-daddy” riding up on the Montana (small green tractor) to the fire pit to throw limbs in and the boys go SPASTIC in my kitchen “Momma Gdaddy!! I wanna go see Gdaddy!” Laughing and shaking my head I would either call Chris or walk down there and help. Next thing I know the boys are down there with tractor and gator (power wheels) running loggs from one spot to another, carrying limbs from here to there.

Those were the early months, where he could get out and do different things, as the year wore on so did his health. It was then to the point where he would have days where he wouldn’t even come out of the house, days like that were tough on him I know, he hated sitting on the couch and unable to go out like he use to. It was a hit to his pride, one that stung like a bitch. So on days where he felt good we would go down just to keep him company and we would have our “log talks” as the boys played at the edge of the pond. Their dad keeps saying that Curt is a natural at fishing; yeah there were a many a day that we would sit on a log with Curt in between his G-daddy’s legs learning how to fish. And there were a many a day when G-daddy had to untangle a fishing rod LOL!!

Well, I have come to a wall that I can’t seem to break down tonight, so we shall try again tomorrow night.

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