Posts tagged ‘loss’

December 30, 2011

Another Loss, Another Day…

So, yesterday was rather rough for me, found out that we lost a close family member to once again Cancer. I cannot tell you how I detest that word and wish that it would just disappear and never rear its ugly head again but I know that no matter how hard I wish and pray that it will be there, lurking and waiting. My Aunt Carol’s significant other passed away yesterday morning from some type of blood cancer, one that she has been fighting for years, she was dealing with it when I found out about mine. Memories of Mindy raced through my mind when I found out and one in particular stood out in my brain because of the fact that it also involves my Chief.

It was the day that I finally decided to shave my head when the chemotherapy finally got a hold of my hair. Chris had taken the day off to watch the kids for me so that I could go to my treatment, so he was there when it first started happening. I remember it clearly, I walked in the house heading for the Colt’s bedroom where I heard them in there playing and laughing. Smiling I walked into the doorway to let them know that I was home while taking my hair out of its ponytail to shake it out before I went to go take a nap. As I pulled the scrunchie out of my hair a clump came out with it. I wanted to bust into tears right then and there, but looking at my boys playing with their G-daddy I couldn’t scare them. Chris looked up at me and smiled his soft smile saying “Sheena, it’s not that bad.” Well he could say that all he wanted to, but to me it was devastating, I have never had my hair above my shoulders for as long as I could remember. During the day it kept coming out in clumps, I talked to my dad on the phone and he kept telling me “No Sheena do not shave that head, just wait it out.” Once I got off the phone with him not ten minutes later my Aunt was calling me. Mindy got on the phone and we talked for awhile, and she point blank told me to go ahead and shave it. “Sheena, you do not want to keep putting yourself through that emotional pain everyday watching it fall out, its just hair and will grow back, hats are on the way.” Once I got off the phone with her I had made up my mind, it was coming off right then and there. My mom came that afternoon to help me shave it, however, she got emotional (which I understand she is my mother) and got it halfway but could not continue. So I had to wait for my fiancée to come home. Once we got the boys in bed and asleep we went into the bathroom and off it went.

That day was hard for me, but I knew that I had my family and friends supporting me in my decision to shave it making it a little bit easier. Now two years later my hair is finally at my shoulders and growing like wildfire! Mindy was right that day. She showed me that day how strong she was in her fight, how courageous she was, and she was a woman you did not reckon with. Mindy you have been a part of our family for as long as I have been born, you will be missed, you will be loved, but you will never be forgotten.

In loving memory of Mindy Rauch