Posts tagged ‘love’

April 23, 2012

Just One Of Those Moments….

(For those of you who are still following me here….by the way I have moved my blog to a new site http://lifeofamother.bravesites.com/blog)

“Prepare for Rain” was the name of the sermon yesterday morning at church. Now whatever is said beyond this point is my opinion alone and what I got out of the sermon, for everyone gets something different out of any sermon that they hear, sometimes the Preacher gets lucky and everyone grasps the full meaning of what he is trying to put out there, but as long as everyone gets at least something out of it that will make them think and be reminded of their closeness with God Himself, then he is happy.

As my pastor was talking I was thinking about my current place with Him and what I was doing in my life.  It was really strange because of the fact that the name of the sermon was “Prepare for Rain” and it was raining outside, so its like God was already giving this sermon life.  Let me explain something, the night before I was actually thinking about where my current book Dawning Christian could go and how the plot could go, when it was like someone was pushing a video into my mind of another book all together.  I mean so off course of what I was thinking about that I was like “OK I’ve heard of people talking about God talking to them personally and whatever but that was weird.”  So I thought about it a little bit and then kind of shrugged it off and said a little prayer about it asking God to give me guidance as I ponder.  Then I get to church with this sermon.

Now that we have gotten caught up on my train of thought for this sermon now you will fully understand the rest of the post.  As he was reading the Bible verse (1 Kings 18:41-46), where Elijah was praying to God for rain, and every time he sent his servant to look towards the sea there was nothing, yet on the seventh time that he sent the servant to look, the servant came back and said “Behold, a little cloud like a man’s hand is rising out of the sea”,  That is when my pastor said the one line that stuck out to me, “God uses small things to make big things happen”, see he used that small cloud to make a huge storm for Elijah.

“41 And Eli’jah said to Ahab, “Go up, eat and drink; for there is a sound of the rushing of rain.” 42 So Ahab went up to eat and to drink. And Eli’jah went up to the top of Carmel; and he bowed himself down upon the earth, and put his face between his knees. 43 And he said to his servant, “Go up now, look toward the sea.” And he went up and looked, and said, “There is nothing.” And he said, “Go again seven times.” 44 And at the seventh time he said, “Behold, a little cloud like a man’s hand is rising out of the sea.” And he said, “Go up, say to Ahab, ‘Prepare your chariot and go down, lest the rain stop you.'” 45 And in a little while the heavens grew black with clouds and wind, and there was a great rain. And Ahab rode and went to Jezreel. 46 And the hand of the LORD was on Eli’jah; and he girded up his loins and ran before Ahab to the entrance of Jezreel.”

1 Kings 18:41-46

So after listening to the sermon and we were singing our closing song I finally understood that God was trying to tell me that I need to go ahead and write that other book that it feels like He is pushing upon me to do.  No worries Dawning Christian will also be continued on, but I am going to take on an undertaking and see where this other one leads me. 

January 4, 2012

A True God Moment

True the whole weekend project was a rare God moment that I will treasure my whole life. My father came down to help Dempsey and I put the playground set u for the boys, and it was a magical weekend watching the boy’s eyes light up every time something new was completed. True, every five minutes we would hear “Is it ready yet?” That only made my father laugh harder, me say “no”, and their father shake his head.

The chalkboard of the playground set is where my True God Moment comes into play. See we live on this huge farm right, so there is no cement outside anywhere for them to them to draw anywhere here, so we have no chalk in this house before Christmas. Now, I knew we were getting this playground set for just about over a month before Christmas, yet I did NOT know that it came with a chalkboard so I made no arrangements to get any chalk for the feature of the set. Well when we had our family Christmas dinner with my parents my sister gave me TWO boxes of outside chalk. Obviously I looked at her like she had lost her mind, like ok thanks hehehe. She then tells me that Owen (my brother in-law) was out front one day and this older woman came around the corner and handed him several boxes of sidewalk chalk, out of the blue! Well Tia then was like OK whatever, took them wrapped them out for Christmas presents.

Now if you have not caught it yet, re-read that last paragraph before coming back to this one…

Go on I’ll wait, it’s to precious to miss…..

See, God put that older woman in my brother in-law’s way to make sure that I was able to have chalk here at my house for my boys to enjoy that feature of the playground set. God knew that I had not prepared for that one little detail and he knew the best way to get it to me is through my sister. I was able to enjoy the eyes of my boys light up at the fact that yay they did have chalk to draw on the new chalkboard and for that is one of my True God Moments…..

December 30, 2011

Hearts Can Heal…

Last night I laid down with Colt to help him go to sleep, as I was laying there I started crying, and Colt rolls over and hugs me tightly saying “I love you Momma.” Which obviously made me start bawling harder! At first I was crying over the loss of Mindy, but the more I laid there the more I realized that it was not just Mindy that I was crying over, it was the loss of my Chief, and my best friend both of which I lost within two months of each other. I think my heart shut down completely when we lost Chris that day. Thinking back to that week I remember going into auto pilot and being where I was needed most, which was mainly watching kids (not just mine but everyone else’s) and I was fine with that, it helped me stay strong for my fiancée because if I lost it, then who would be there behind him and keeping him strong for his mom and sister. That week was a blur, but surprisingly I can remember almost everything that happened that week down to the letter. I have to say that my most memorable moment was when my family was suppose to be at the church at 4:30 for the family meal before the funeral and we were still sitting at the house, it was like trying to pull teeth out of a grizzly bear’s mouth to get my man up and going. He was dressed and ready to go just couldn’t bring himself to go, which I totally understand (I don’t even want to think how I’m going to be when I loose my father) but his mother called his phone and I answered it. There was no hello from her there was no how are you, there was a direct order in the question that she asked “Yall are coming RIGHT?” Yes mamma, on the way!!! Being the only mother who went to the Church that we had the funeral at I went into the nursery to get everything ready for the babysitters that were on the way to watch the children. I have to honestly say that that was the one and only time that I got pissed off at the rest of the mothers. Seeing that I was in there with my children they all dropped their kids off and left leaving me once again with the crowd of kids that we have. Granted I will give the father’s credit they did stay for a little while but not long.

Yes, I know they were all thinking she’s not blood, she’s not quote unquote family she didn’t know him as well as I did so she can’t be hurting as bad as I am so she can handle the kids while we go lick our wounds. True they may have not been thinking that really but that is how I was feeling at the time, but I was hurting, my heart was in pieces, my spirit was broken for his death hit me hard, harder then I thought thinking back on it now. It hit way to close to home for me, he was gone because of cancer and yet I survived it, it just was not fair in my opinion. As I sit here now writing this and going over it in my mind and my heart I know that at least he is no longer suffering and thankfully he did not suffer to bad to long. I never really broke down and really cried for my Chief during that time and as time wore on, I just buried it deeper and deeper inside of me ignoring it. There would be a few times where I would hear a song on the radio that would make me think of him and thankfully I was driving so I couldn’t really break down. Then loosing Mindy yesterday forced me to come to terms with his death and that was just painful to do. However, it is true when people tell you to go ahead and let it out, go ahead and cry get it out of your system and you do feel better. Last night is a memory that I will cherish with all of my heart, a mother crying herself to sleep while her toddler has his arm wrapped around her neck and his face buried in her neck fast asleep. Colt thank you my sweet angel you were a Godsend last night and you do not even realize it, momma loves you so much and I really hope and pray that the memories you have of your G-daddy stay with you as you grow older, but I can promise you this you will never forget who he was for the help of pictures, and memories that your family will tell you over the years he will never leave your heart. Time does heal wounds of the heart, you just have to keep looking to God for comfort in those times that you think that you are drowning, He will pick you up and carry you……

October 6, 2011

Gram

It’s late at night and I’m sitting here watching a marathon of Avatar: The Last Airbender, strange granted. Just so much is going through my mind that I can’t seem to still it long enough for me to calm down enough to sleep. With everything that has been going on lately got me to thinking about my own family and just got me to thinking about my Gram. She was a woman of many personas I guess you could say! Thankfully I was able to know and love her by the loving grandmother that she was and not the other side of her before I was born. I know of that side and I have seen that side a few times but few and far in between. All I know is that me and my cousin Candice put her through hell during the summers! She would laugh at us, scold us, and as we got older the rougher we gave hahaha!! I can remember staying up all hours of the night sometimes all night and day playing My Little Pony with Candice and several times during that night Gram would walk in going “Yall better go on to bed before Margaret wakes up!” Then there was the day that we got lost in the woods for awhile (thats for another post all together!). Yet there is one thing that I will always remember about Gram, she was EVERYONE’S Grandma, she was the neighborhood Grandma it seems, but Candice and I did not care really we knew who she was and she knew who we were so all was good.

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September 16, 2011

“Father” doesn’t have to be by blood

Well, it seems that it has been quite awhile since I’ve had a chance to really get a post out recently. It has been a crazy couple of months here on the farm, the “Father” of the farm has finally closed his eyes and gone home to where he can finally go fishing and riding his horses whenever he wants. I have to say that I have held my own during this time ok. No, it wasn’t father who passed, it was my fiancee’s father. Yet, I know how the cousins feel about him he was in essence their “father” as well. Well by the time this wonderful strong man closed his eyes he had become my second dad.

See, not sure if I have mentioned it in this blog or not but I am a thankful survivor of cervical cancer, and as I was coming out of my battle, he was going in. He however wasn’t told that “Yes, we can fight this and move on” he was told “we can fight this but this is how long…..” Let me tell you, that man was not happy with that out come right from the get go. Yet, he set his mind and heart to the option of fighting it, and we were blessed with a wonderful year of getting to love on him. I will never forget the times of “G-daddy” riding up on the Montana (small green tractor) to the fire pit to throw limbs in and the boys go SPASTIC in my kitchen “Momma Gdaddy!! I wanna go see Gdaddy!” Laughing and shaking my head I would either call Chris or walk down there and help. Next thing I know the boys are down there with tractor and gator (power wheels) running loggs from one spot to another, carrying limbs from here to there.

Those were the early months, where he could get out and do different things, as the year wore on so did his health. It was then to the point where he would have days where he wouldn’t even come out of the house, days like that were tough on him I know, he hated sitting on the couch and unable to go out like he use to. It was a hit to his pride, one that stung like a bitch. So on days where he felt good we would go down just to keep him company and we would have our “log talks” as the boys played at the edge of the pond. Their dad keeps saying that Curt is a natural at fishing; yeah there were a many a day that we would sit on a log with Curt in between his G-daddy’s legs learning how to fish. And there were a many a day when G-daddy had to untangle a fishing rod LOL!!

Well, I have come to a wall that I can’t seem to break down tonight, so we shall try again tomorrow night.

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January 8, 2011

New Chapter

If you are in a dark time of your life and you do not think that you can get out of it, know that you can.  Know that there are people out there that do care for you as well as you can rely on God.  No matter how alone you feel He is there, watching, listening, guiding, and holding your hand.  I know this is true because He was there for me these past few months of my life as I tried to figure out what I not only wanted but needed.

Currently I am sitting here watching the movie Twister, and I realized that life is a twister.  No matter how smooth you think you have it, there will come a time in your life where it will be turned upside down, turn you this way and that way.  There will be dark clouds, thunder, and rain, yet, even after all of that you know that at the end of it there will be a clearing of the storm, a break in the clouds and you will see light once again.  This I have.

During those months of being away from the father of my children was when the twister was happening.  was when I was riding the storm out.  Towards the end I could actually see light, I could see my clearing in my gray skies.  There was several people who kept telling me that it was a bad idea in going back.  Well I say to those people, I love you and thank you for caring so much for me but I had to follow my heart and do what was best for my family.  Now sitting where I am, I knew that I was right, I have never felt more alive, more confident in what I was doing then I do at this moment in time.

This is where I belong, this is where my heart is.